Why do I say talk "with" your kids? Because I have found that too many parents talk "at" their kids not with them, that is if they talk at all. A common denominator in the teens I have worked with over the last 20 years is that they do not feel that they can safely talk with their parents. They report that they cannot have decent converstation with their parents for a variety of reasons, some of them being: parents do not have enough time, parents don't listen they judge and advise, parents do not validate feelings ect. I am amazed at how few of the teens I work with even know what their parents do for a living, that is a crying shame.
Parents! It is not just about quality time it truly is about quantity. Yes, teens can make it seem like they don't need your advise and don't want to be bothered but they do. They need to know that you are there for them at all times not just when you are angry. Make it a habit to check in with your kid every day. Shut off all electronics, look them in the eye and ask them questions about their day. And don't accept one word answers. Kids do have an uncanny ability to answer even the best open ended questions with one word but don't stop there. Tell them that you really want to know what is happening and that one word answers are not acceptable. When they do decide to talk with you then you need to practice good listening skills. Try your best not to judge or give advice, it is most often good enough just to acknowledge that you have heard them and that you appreciate them talking. If they choose not to talk that day then keep trying every day until you strengthen your connection.
