I would like to share a parenting struggle I recently experienced and how I broke myself out of a pattern that was clearly not working for me. My six year old son has now reached a stage in his life where he needs more than ever to exert his independence and this has thrown me for a loop. Until now he has spoiled us with compliance and minimal power struggles. Lately he has begun to say "NO" to everything and will put up as big of a fight as I am willing to engage in to get his way. I am a firm and mostly fair parent but I am also as stubborn as my son (wonder where he got it?). When he says "NO" to homework, taking a bath or going to bed it drives me crazy and my first instict is to lay down the consequences. This tact has not worked with him because he still does not give in which of course deserves even more consequences which makes him more angry and in turn makes me more angry.
One night, with the encouragement of my wife I decided to something differently. When he said "NO!" to taking a bath I instead of starting my count down and then doling out the consequences said "Tell ya what, why don't I help you and I will wash your hair." He immediately agreed and we had a wonderful bonding experience and a nice chat while I washed his hair. Although giving in goes against my stubborn Sicilian ways I was very proud of myself for doing something differently and acting more maturely than my 6 year old. I also went to bed much more relaxed which resulted in a good night's sleep. Next time I will be more apt to figuring out a creative way to get my way and allow my son to feel like he has some influence in his life.
Maybe this will encourage you to try something different when you realize that you are getting nowhere and creating repetative conflicts that can be averted.
T
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