Parents often want to know what they are doing wrong and what to do differently, but I have found that what they really are asking for is permission to keep doing it the same way so they can feel better about it. I have also learned in my 20 years as a therapist and my 9 years as a parent that most of us have a very hard time admitting when we are wrong, identifying what we did wrong and then correcting it. So here is a simple solution for those parents who know there is something wrong but can't figure out what it is or what to do about it: Imagine all of your interactions with your kids in your home being recorded for all to see. Would you:
a) Be proud of most of your parenting.
b) Be proud of some and embarrassed about some.
c) Be totally embarrased.
And then ask yourself: "Self - what would my best friend and my mom think of how I handle my kids?" Then allow the answers to these questions to be your guide. If you think you need help then ask for it. Work with your spouse to help each other to do a better job and if that isn't enough then find a family therapist and get to work.
